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TDRPW Guy Episode 5: Driving Me Crazy
(The Gang are seen in the front of a night club. They attempt to go through the door until security stops them.) Noah: Hey now! I’m going to need to see some ID! Dark: K. (They all pull out their IDs to show that they are 21.) Noah: Head in. (They gladly head inside.) Grass: Yo Fiz, how did you get those fake IDs? Fiz: I know a guy. Rocker: Who? Let me guess, is it Pookie from across the street? That n*gga owe me fifty dollars! Fiz: It was my boy Alejandro. Rocker: Oh, I know him.Tell Al I fucked his bish. RJ: This place is pretty bae. (The Gang begin to scope out the joint, drinks are being thrown back, the music is blaring, people are partying and there are exotic dancers both female and male.) Heo: Is that TD grinding on a dude over there? TD: Why yes it is, would you like a dance? Heo:......................Eh, why not. .-. (TD and Heo walk off as the night’s festivities begin. The Gang covers their ears while they listen to the ratchet ass music the DJ is playing.) “Holla, Holla! We dem boyz!” (Toast walks up to the DJ and pushes him aside.) Toast: *pulls out CD* It’s time you guys hear some real music! “The butterfly? Uh-uh, that's old!” Grass: Oh god…. “To the left! To the left! To the right! To the right!” (Everyone looks around wondering what the fuck this is.) “To the front! To the front! To the back! To the back! (Chwiis being the cracker that he is starts to dance his corny ass to the tune and Heo joins in) “Slide, baby slide!” (Soon everyone in the club begins to dance, even JRO is shedding a few pounds causing an earthquake in the process. Seriously, lose some weight you fat fuck. ) To the left! (2x) To the right! (2x) (RJ nods his head to the beat as he orders a shot. He drinks it but soon is dazed.) RJ: That drink seemed funny…..*passes out* Garret: We’re about to have some fun tonight! (Garret takes his own drink only to pass out himself.) Shrek: You two are about to learn what real love feels like. To the front! (2x) To the back! (2x) JRO: *sweating like crazy* Man, this isn’t anything like Wii Fit! Dip, baby, dip! (4x) JRO: Mmmmm….dip…… (JRO walks off to go look for some snacks, passing Dark who is in the middle of flirting with this hot squirrel looking bitch.) Dark: What is your name babe? Fine Ass Furry Hoe: My name is Roxanne. What’s yours? Dark: Darkadia Maximillion Gooferton. But you can just call me Dark. Roxanne: That’s a great name. Dark: Of course it is, I’m too Max Goof not to have a kickass name. (Grass and Chwiis are seen getting shitfaced drunk.) Grass: *slurred* Chwiis you know I used to hate your hammy ass…. Chwiis: And I used to hate your rape happy ass…… Grass: You know who I hate more than you? Chwiis: Who? Grass: Rocker! Chwiis: Oh yeah, I hate that fuckin’ faggot, we should kick his ass…… Grass: YEAH! Chwiis: Hope you know I said kick his ass and not rape his ass. Grass: *gets out ban hammer* Should I help you get that education? Chwiis: NO! NO! NO! Grass: Ok, then. Let’s do this…. (Grass and Chwiis walk off as we see Fiz and Rocky hanging out on a couch, talking.) Fiz: Come on Rocky, just do one line. Rocky: I don’t want to get myself fucked up like that! Fiz: Rocky think about it….”What would Tony Montana do?” Rocky: Fine…but ONLY one line. Fiz: Sweg. (Fiz and Rocky proceed to snort some coke together, while Rocker observes the club in disgust.) Rocker: Man, this club freaking sucks! (“Tootise Roll” continues to play as Rocker gets out his MacBook and starts listening to his own music.) Rocker: Awww, this Kanye song tho…. (A bullet flies by and destroys the Mac Book.) Rocky: OK, I’VE RELOADED! (A coke filled Rocky soon fires his machine gun all around the club.) Aqua: Yeah, shake that ass in a circle Heo- Wait, what the fuck! (Everyone in the building starts running from the gunfire before a 6’8 Terry Crews lookin’ motherfucker knocks Rocky’s ass out and tosses the gang out of the club.) Noah: Thank you and never come again! Chwiis: This is why every country hates you guys! Heo: Isn’t that Australia (troll) Chwiis: Shut up beaner. RJ: *coming to* My ass hurts, Tyrone must have thrown me pretty hard…. Grass: Wait a minute, where’s Toast? (Toast is still seen DJing at the club.) “Don’t stop! Don’t stop! We’re in luck now! Don’t stop, there’s so much to be found!” Club Owner: How would you like to be here every weekend? Toast: Get me some jam and jelly and you’ve got yourself a deal. Dark: So how the HFIL are we getting home? Heo: We can use my car. Rocker: That rundown piece of shit? Heo: Hey, my parents worked real hard to get me that car! All of those long hard days, it was real back breaking labor standing for so long out in front of Home Depot! RJ: Can it even fit all of us? I mean JRO will probably take up the whole thing. Fiz: There’s a simple fix for that, TD will you do the honors? Aqua: JBOC! <3 JRO: OH COME ON! (JRO is soon sent packing on over to SIR wiki.) Fiz: Ok, we’re good! Heo: Wait, are any of us even sober enough to drive? Rocker: I’ll be fine, the power of godding should get me through. (Rocker grabs the keys and starts the car.) Rocker: Ok, I take advanced classes, I should be able to handle this…. (Rocker accidentally backs the car into the front of a police car.) Aqua: Bish whet? Dark: This is so not Max Goof…. Rocky: I knew I should have kept your ass blocked tonight! (The police officer soon gets out and walks toward them.) Rocker: Listen. officer I’m so sorry -- (Rodney) QUIT RESISTING ARREST! (Rodney tases the shit out of Rocker.) (Rodney) You all saw that! That coon tried to lunge at me! RJ: It’s fine officer, that dude’s more unstable than Brandon Hantz! (Rodney) Alright, I’ll just sprinkle some crack on him and we’ll be fine. (We soon cut to the next day as they’re all at Safe Drivers seminar.) BatmanTDI: It’s not fair, I couldn’t see what was on the road! GODuncan: Yeah, I know how to drive, I was just distracted checking my Tinder account! Chwiis: WTF is a tinder account? GODuncan: It’s a place where GO meets his bitches! Heo: *perks up* So a dating site!? Rocky: Don’t get Heo’s thirsty ass started….. Heo: >.> Aqua: Pfft, like you get bitches, GO. GODuncan: I GET MORE BITCHES THAN YOU DO YOU HOMO FAGGY!! Aqua: Sure jan. Rocker: Stop biting my shit! Grass: Guys, shut up! So, is it an app? Fiz: Looking to add more kids to your closet Grass? Grass: Nah, your mom is more than enough for me. Dark: OOOOOOOOOOO (Ethan is seen nearby as he slaps his knee.) GODuncan: Yeah, just go to the site and download it, if a person likes you they’ll show up on your list. Rocky: It’s worth a shot I guess. (The Gang soon start downloading the app, getting excited about who picks them.) RJ: Oh my god, I found someone who likes Survivor! Fiz: Me too! His name is RJ! RJ: That’s me! Fiz: Yay! (The two get it on as Chwiis and Rocky both swipe some bitches.) Chwiis: I just got myself a date tonight! Rocky: Aww yeah, so did I! Chwiis: Is she as ugly as your ex-wife? Rocky: Leave Nancy out of this! Heo: I bet Nancy wished she got to spend a night at Suplex City B) Rocky: Whatever Heo, I got to go get ready for my date. Chwiis: I’ll follow his lead, see you guys! (The two head off as we cut to Rocky in his finest suit as he walks around the fine establishment and is about to head to his seat.) Chwiis: What the hell are you doing here? Rocky: Getting my date? What are the hell you doing here? Chwiis: Having dinner with my date too! Rocky: Well where is she? Chwiis: Right there! (Chwiis points at the kind of hoe you’d have an omegle session with and get hung up on after a minute, much to Rocky’s annoyance.) Rocky: Negro, that’s MY girl! Chwiis: Wait, she invited both of us? Ugh, just go Rocky! Rocky: Nah, look at your hair, you aren’t even ready for a girl like that! Chwiis: Dude, come on just let me have this. I think she’s the one! Rocky: How so? Chwiis: I think I’ll muster up the courage to ask her for sex! Rocky: Lol. Chwiis: What’s so funny? She wouldn’t even be able to feel your shaft! Rocky: Bitch please, I got the shaft of an African warrior, don’t get me started! Girl: Boys, boys, I want you both here! Chwiis: Really? Girl: Yeah, you both are extremely desirable. You’re a real funny guy and I just love Rocky’s youtube videos! Rocky: Youtube videos? Girl: Are you not JonTron? Rocky:......Why yes I am. Girl: Have a seat you two! Chwiis: So how is this gonna work? Rocky: Yeah, don’t expect us to do things to each other when it gets hot and heavy! Girl: Well hopefully you’ll want to do stuff to the two of us ;) Chwiis: Two of us? Girl: Your date of course silly, she should be coming out of the bathroom right now! (The most autistic looking girl you’ve ever seen walks out and greets Chwiis.) Chwiis: Oh hell nah! Rocky: *whispers* Dude, just be cool and keep her ugly friend busy! Chwiis: But dude she’s soooo ugly! Rocky: Would Osama approve of you bailing on me in my time of need? Chwiis: Ugh….fine. (Suddenly Iggy Azalea walks in.) Iggy: Oh no you don’t! Chwiis: MOM!? Iggy: Don’t mom me, mister, you know you were supposed to take out the trash today! Chwiis: Can’t that just fucking wait, I’m busy! Iggy: You did not just curse at me! You’re grounded! (Iggy bitch slaps the taste out of Chwiis’ mouth and drags him off by the ear.) Rocky: So…..how about I do a game review of dat ass. B) (We soon cut to The Gang at Heo’s house, playing a round of SSB.) Rocker: Man that tinder shit was a bust, the girls were so intimidated they didn’t want to add me! TD: Yeah Rocker...that’s it. Dark: I managed to get some action...from Roxanne again. Grass: How did it go? Dark: Terrible, the girl was nuts! (Ethan runs into the room.) Ethan: *panting* Ha…*slaps knee.* Heo: Looks like I’m the only one who came out winning! Rocky: Orly? Heo: Yep, I got a bae. Fiz: What’s the name of the unlucky girl? Heo:....Aaliyah. (End.) Category:TDRPW Guy Category:Created by DegrassiFTW27